The term “gaslighting” originated from a 1938 play called “Gas Light,” in which a husband manipulates his wife by dimming the gas lights in their home and then denying that the lights are flickering when she questions him. Similarly, in gaslighting situations, the abuser attempts to make the victim question their own sanity and judgment.
Narcissists are adept at gaslighting because they have an inflated sense of self-importance and a constant need for admiration and control. They go to great lengths to maintain their power and dominance over others, including distorting reality and undermining the victim’s confidence.
Gaslighting tactics can vary, but they typically involve the following strategies:
- Denial and contradiction: The narcissist denies or dismisses their actions, making the trusting soul doubt their own perception of events. They say things like, “That never happened,” or “You’re just imagining things.”
- Blatant lies: Narcissists are skilled liars fabricating stories or twisting the truth to manipulate the victim’s perception of reality. They may present alternative versions of events to confuse and disorient you.
- Projection: The narcissist projects their own flaws, insecurities, and wrongdoings onto you. By making you feel guilty or responsible for the narcissist’s behavior, they shift blame and avoid accountability.
- Gradual isolation: The narcissist gradually isolates you from friends, family, and your other sources of support. By creating an environment of dependency, the narcissist becomes the primary source of information, making it easier to manipulate the victim’s perception.
- Undermining confidence: The narcissist undermines the victim’s self-esteem and confidence, making you feel incompetent, inadequate, and dependent. This weakens your ability to question the narcissist’s version of reality.
- Emotional manipulation: The narcissist uses emotional manipulation tactics, guilt-tripping, intimidation, playing the victim, to maintain control over the victim’s emotions and thoughts.
Gaslighting has a profound psychological effect on you. Experiencing confusion, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and a loss of identity. Over time, you begin to question your own sanity, becoming increasingly dependent on the abuser for validation and guidance.
Recognizing and acknowledging the manipulation is the first step toward reclaiming your reality and regaining your emotional well-being. You have done nothing wrong but it can be difficult to believe that someone who told you they loved you can be so cruel.