Remain calm and help her to feel as calm as she can. Cultivate a sustainable foundation for yourself and for her.
Helping a friend in an abusive relationship is challenging, but your support and understanding make a significant difference in her life.
Here are ways you can assist your friend in navigating this scary and difficult situation:
Attentive and Trustworthy: Be a good listener and offer a safe space for your friend to share her feelings and experiences. Just because you have not seen the abusive behaviour does not mean it is not happening. Be patient as best you can.
Believe what she says. Avoid dismissing or downplaying her concerns. Building trust is crucial in encouraging her to seek help and open up about her situation. She may shut down if she feels judged. She is already feeling bad and like a failure. Be her cheerleader and her support.
Reassure Her: Victims of abuse blame themselves for the abuse they endure. Reassure your friend she is not responsible for the abusive behavior of her partner. Remind her that rage, emotional abuse, threats, violence is not a reflection of her worth or actions. You do not need to spend time figuring out why the abusive spouse does what he does. Reassure that she can make gentle shifts in her self esteem and build her own foundation of stability.
Let Her Know She’s Not Alone: Domestic abuse affects people from all walks of life. Discuss how abuse happens to women no matter where they came from or where they are in life. Understanding that she’s not alone provides comfort and support. She did not make a mistake. She is not failing in life. It happened and can happen to anyone.
Offer Continuous Support: If your friend is not ready to make major changes in her life, don’t abandon her. Your unwavering support is crucial in empowering her to take action at a later time when she feels more ready.’tough love’ is not applicable here. She is in danger daily.
For Yourself:
Be sure to manage your own expectations as she may leave and then go back to him.
This is frustrating especially when you are going on the journey with her. You may feel the work you did was in vain. All the effort and time you spent was a waste.
Be sure to find your own sustainable foundation to help you too.
Decide on your own boundaries to help you feel emotionally stable.
Let her know that you need a break sometimes too but that is not an indicator that you are judging her, her situation or abandoning her.
It’s your life and you are important too. Don’t let resentment tear your friendship apart or the dynamics become unbalanced.