Grooming a person:
A covert narcissist causes significant emotional harm, especially to those close to them.
Here is a way in which a covert narcissist emotionally damages you:
Grooming and Idealization: Covert narcissists begin by idealising their target, showering them with attention, compliments, and affection. This initial phase can make the person feel special and valued. However, it’s a manipulative tactic designed to gain control and create emotional dependency. When the narcissist is ready to exert control, they gradually withdraw this affection, leading to confusion and insecurity in you. Sometimes referred to as love bombing where the chemicals noradrenaline, dopamine, and phenylethylamine can be released making you feel incredible, excited and alive. This is how they quickly create a connection to you. Sadly, it is a ruse with bad intentions where it will be used to control you as you continue to long for those initial feelings and resort to doing anything to feel them again. To shine under their spotlight that was so bright initially. It’s intoxicating. You start accepting behaviours directed at you that are harmful but you feel as though you have no other options. It’s normal to feel like you did something wrong.The doubts and lack of self esteem creep in. Your confidence and place in the world is compromised and fragmented.
Recognizing this manipulative tactic is essential for protecting yourself from lasting emotional harm. It’s difficult to leave this situation because you feel like you’re bonded to them. This is normal but will feel like an agonising loss, fear and pain. You will have to leave them to shield yourself, as they do not change and all issues will escalate. Ironically, the person who feels like your soul mate may be the person ready to manipulate you. Manipulating from the inside out causes damage that lasts a lifetime, if you don’t take steps to remove yourself from this damaging situation.
If you are dealing with a covert narcissist, consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor who can provide guidance on setting healthy boundaries and healing from emotional trauma. Continue to build your own sustainable calming box platform. You did not do anything wrong. This can happen to anyone at any time. The realisation feels terrible but there is hope for recovery and finding a loving relationship again.