Positivity has been commodified. Which sounds like a good idea but I fear it can lead to negative ideas and judgment. As humans, we need to be comfortable expressing all our emotions and. And, to be respectful to others expressing their feelings too. Even the so-called uncomfortable ones. To constantly repress means we lose sight of who we are. Most of the time, we only show a small fraction of what we feel in order to please others, stay safe, possibly survive, leading to resentment, and you become angry at your own feelings.
Usually under negative emotions lie feelings of wanting to be accepted, fear of rejection.
The idea that we can judge and control others into only showing positive emotions negates the whole idea of acceptance.
Acceptance must be in all areas of your life.
Spending money to go to a yoga class and meditate is great. It is easy to chant love and ride the endophytes while safely ensconced in a pretty studio or outside under beautiful trees. It is the moments when our patience is tested that we need to bring in the positive emotions with compassion.
Negative emotions are considered bad and must be covered up with good emotions such as happiness.
People get trapped. Sometimes vulnerable people are the most trapped. I always flinch when I see people talking about how happy someone looks. This encourages others to master the art of deception for acceptance.
Usually those that are the angriest need the most acceptance. Give them a safe place to be themselves and don’t’ be in a hurry to have them be positive because it suits your narrative. Constantly trying to be happy means we do not allow ourselves self-compassion can lead to shame that is more intense as we are lead to believe make us in adequate and defective.
Not everyone feels that the same things are positive. To deny anyone else an opportunity to be themselves is cruel and selfish. It is an avoidance strategy. It doesn’t mean that we can’t all learn to recognize what feeling happy and at peace means. And to celebrate it too.
It is also okay to not feel okay. It is essential to remove the expectations that we should only fee plosive.
Resist the urge to shame others for their feelings. It is important to recognize that others cope with things in a different way than you.
Feelings are not mutually exclusive. You can be sad and anxious about losing your job but hopeful about finding a new job.
Narrowing down to only 1 message is a problem. “Only good vibes” and “Choose happiness’ sound like lovely ideas but they exclude others and invite them to buy into a façade of toxic positivity.
In an era of social media be wary of others constantly posting only positive vibes. Use your own critical thinking skills to decide to give compassion, non-judgement and recognize that this person is only posting to look successful and perfect. A dangerous trap for you and possibly for the person posting their positive only life.
People mean well when they say ‘focus on the positive and everything will be okay”. They usually do not know what to say to be supportive but it is possibly toxic to only cling to optimism over and over.
We can comfort and find happiness by acknowledging that sometimes things are crappy in our lives. And those others will accept us and be there for us during those times. We do not need to feel embarrassed or apologise for feeling sad, scared angry and hopeless.
Honesty creates connection and intimacy. We need to feel confident that we can be honest when we are experiencing some rough patches. The more we mask our feelings the more fatigued we feel. Running from them and feeling busy doesn’t not necessarily calm them down, especially when we are getting ready to go to bed and sleep or are feeling alone. It can be isolating and hollow to feel the need to disconnect from your feelings.
If you find that you are stuck in the habit of offering toxic positivity to others instead of compassion and empathy, consider the hollowness of your platitudes. Perhaps you may want to reflect on your own experiences and who showed up for you. Who let you feel everything and stayed by your side. Even when it wasn’t’ fun and pretty. All of us want to be heard and validated. WE want to feel that our problems and situations are normal and we are supported.
It is a trend disguised as something good but it can also have tones of monetization when others have used the culture to get more followers and likes.
Consider your mental health and practice expressing yourself. Try to give compassion to those that are stuck in the patterns of toxic positivity and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can, just like everyone else. You do not have to explain yourself or disguise yourself.
It is defined as the dismissive positivity ad s unhelpful and disrespectful to overgeneralize the constant state of cheerfulness and optimism across all circumstances.
The pressure and expectation to stay positive when you are experiencing a crisis not only invalidates your emotions but also forces you to censor them. Instead of asking for help and support you end up subscribing to the façade of pretending that everything is fine. You are not dragging everyone down. There may be those that feel that your feelings are not worth discussing unless they are only happy ones. Those folks are not people that you need to share your experience and emotions with. They are most likely using positivity to avoid things that are uncomfortable for them. And, that is their business.
Shame debilitates the human spirit. It takes work to keep it in check and thinking that being positive and inviting others to be positive is dismissive and disrespectful.
Our expectations of ourselves can easily be altered. For example instead of feeling motivated to go to work we rely on magical feeling to achieve our goals. We expect that a positive mindset will be enough to turn things around for us.
We are better off learning how to regulate our emotions. If we can learn to observe them without doing anything to suppress them we can learn not to run away from them.
We can use curiosity and kindness to cultivate emotional agility. This requires meeting the emotion head on. Gently with compassion and reframing to give us time to recover and breathe.
There is nothing wrong with being happy and having a positive attitude. It can be fun. Be aware of how you may be using it on other people and how you are using it yourself. Since you cannot control others, it is best practice to recognise and embrace a more balanced approach to how you feel rather than succumbing to a constant state of denial. It can be hard to go against the grain when others are subscribing to the positive mantra, but it is your life, your situation, your feelings and you do not have to continue hiding yourself to be accepted. The relationship with yourself will be your guiding light through all your experiences. It is never too late to make friends with your emotions and practice balance to keep yourself moving forward and at peace.