Being rejected by those they love is frightening to the avoidant. Getting close to someone is frightening to the avoidant.
They juggle knowing how to keep love and relationships and how to protect themselves.It’s not easy and whatever they do means they end up alone.
For the avoidant, relationships are a dance between desire and dread. At the heart of their fears lies a profound aversion to losing themselves—losing their independence, their autonomy.
This fear intertwines with another specter that haunts them: abandonment.
The avoidant’s nightmare is the gradual erosion of self, the creeping dependency on their partner for every aspect of life. They fear their partner will inevitably realize they are too good for them, leading to abandonment.
In this scenario, they envision their self-sufficiency crumbling, their autonomy shattered, their life in ruins.
These fears stem from a place of low self-esteem, abandonment in childhood. Could be through neglect, addictions from their parents, a death of a parent.particularly in the realm of relationships. Inconsistent love or love with a price
They may exude confidence in other areas of life, when it comes to matters of the heart, they feel inadequate, lesser than. The fear of engulfment—of being overshadowed by a partner who surpasses them—adds another layer of dread.
Paralyzed by fear, the avoidant retreats into their shell, their defense mechanism kicking into overdrive. Running and pulling away become second nature, a misguided attempt at self-preservation. This avoidance perpetuates the cycle of heartache and harm, leaving their partners bewildered and hurt.
Leaving them lonely and not able to connect to others.
They may lash out, accusing their partner of expecting too much, of needing more than they can give. Unable to commit.
Communication becomes a battleground, with the avoidant expressing feelings of being overwhelmed, of losing themselves in the relationship.
Until they confront these fears head-on, until they allow their emotions to run through them. To build trust with others to be accepted for who they are. They must accept themselves first, self-reflect and change, or the cycle will continue unabated. In destruction of themselves and others.
Ultimately, the avoidant’s journey toward healing begins with acknowledging their fears and vulnerabilities. It requires a willingness to confront discomfort, to delve into the depths of their psyche, and to challenge ingrained patterns of avoidance. Only then can they break free from the cycle of heartache and embrace the possibility of genuine connection and intimacy.
Symptoms associated with avoidant personality disorder (AVPD) include social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, hypersensitivity to negative feedback and evaluation, fear of rejection, avoidance of any activities that require substantial personal interaction, and reluctance to take risks or get involved in
They will also distract themselves from unpleasant emotions with work or hobbies. Or repress their feelings and pretend that they don’t exist.
Often using the excuse of being busy and keeping busy to avoid the unpleasant feelings they are not interested in processing.