Cognitive distortions are negative or irrational patterns of thinking. These negative thought patterns can play a role in diminishing your motivation, lowering your self-esteem, and contributing to problems like anxiety, depression, and substance use.
Approaching someone unaware of this normal negative thinking can set off their defences because their body sees you as a threat and the body gets uncomfortable with repeating patterns. Even patterns that do not serve.
It can become chronic and keep us in a cycle unless we can bring awareness and decide to invite a gentle change.
It will feel uncomfortable and may need some practise but we can build our own sustainable calming box to bring peace to our lives.
Starting today means you can start again tomorrow and the next day too. Your foundation of calm brings you freedom, joy, and contentment.
One of the narratives of cognitive distorted thinking (which we all do), is called ‘mind reading’. There are several because it is part of our mind wanting to keep us safe.
This is a survival method so it feels very strong and therefore must be ‘true’.
Cognitive distortions are thoughts that are heavily influenced by emotions and may not be consistent with the facts of a situation. Usually related to being critical to ourselves and others.
Being raised in a house where we were not allowed to be ourselves can magnify this type of thinking into adulthood.
It can sound like this in our head “I must have irritated him or upset her”
You can consider shifting a pattern by questioning if this is true.
Remembering we are not responsible for others’ feelings/responses-that is a choice made by them.
Being curious about what is happening to you and your body “Oh interesting, I feel myself wanting to be angry,run away, or withdraw. I wonder what is happening although it is okay to feel this way”
“Is this a helpful thought? I am curious what this thought thinks it is accomplishing now?”
“Wow, I feel uncomfortable, upset and foolish, which is totally normal-and makes sense”
You can take a moment to create space for yourself without an explanation.
“I will be right back”
You are not failing, you are trying to unwire some of the misguided thoughts that you had to use to survive. It may be stronger for some people but that is oaky. We all have the capacity to try and make changes. There is no rush. You have created awareness today and can build your self esteem on your own terms at your own pace. Starting from the inside of your mind and your body. You had to read someone’s mind when you were unable to care for yourself as a child, but you can take care of yourself now and build your sustainable foundation of calm. Adding tools along the way. This is a tiny bit of information provided to make the first step easy for you. Calming Box will discuss other negative thought patterns that you can become aware of and gently shift by questioning if they are true and making space to pause for yourself. As you grow, heal and find your own path of support.