Have you ever felt a little bit off after someone hurts you and half heartedly apologizes to you?
Apologizing is sincere with an intention to mend relationships, fostering understanding and growth.
Not all apologies follow that formula. Some apologies can be more damaging than the initial offense. Build your own foundation of calm by becoming aware of what the intention is behind an apology. This will keep you safe and secure while being vulnerable with the right people. That may not include everyone in your life.
A Mistake Was Made:
- “A mistake was made” statement. While it may sound like an admission of fault, it sidesteps personal responsibility. A genuine apology involves acknowledging the mistake explicitly and expressing a commitment to make amends. Instead of a vague acknowledgment, a sincere apology sounds like, “I made a mistake. Let’s discuss what I can do to set things right.” This approach demonstrates accountability and a genuine desire to rectify the situation. To build a relationship of trust with you. That serves both of you.
I’m Sorry It Seemed Insensitive to You:
- Another deceptive form of apology is when someone says, “I’m sorry it seemed insensitive to you.” This type of apology undermines the validity of the other person’s feelings, essentially belittling their emotions. Trivializing reasonable concerns borders on dangerous gaslighting – dismissing or invalidating someone’s reality. An authentic apology involves acknowledging the impact of the words or actions. Saying, “I’m sorry if my words and actions hurt you; it wasn’t my intention. Let’s talk about how we can address this, in a way that works for both of us” reflects a commitment to truly understanding and resolving the issue.
I Am Sorry You Feel That Way:
- This statement shifts the focus from the action or behaviour to the other person’s reaction. It expresses disappointment in the reaction rather than taking responsibility for the underlying cause. A genuine apology involves recognizing the specific actions that led to the hurt or upset. Instead of deflecting blame, a sincere apology sounds like, “I am sorry for what I did. I understand how it hurt you, and I’m committed to making things right.”
Identifying these types of fake apologies is crucial for fostering healthier relationships. By understanding the nuances of sincere apologies, we can build a foundation of trust and communication, paving the way for genuine connection and growth. We can protect ourselves from those who have misguided or cruel intentions. Note if after you have had a discussion about the proper most effective way to apologize if they continue to follow the same method that does not resolve the issue. Do not allow deep connection. Do not build your foundation of calm.
Now, you know you can protect yourself from this person and shield yourself from the harm that comes from others invalidating your feelings.